66) Newtons Third Law

When hungover, my bowels will often go through what has become known in my family as the SPL stages. It's the same phases my dad goes through before he does a race. SPl stands for solid, paste, liquid, I assume no further information is required.

I awoke Saturday morning after a heavy night out the previous night with a splitting headache, bad stomach and a horrible feeling that I'd made a massive tit out of myself in front of my workmates. After slowly getting my head around which planet I was on and why I was feeling so terrible; I got up to relieve some pressure on my stomach. This turned out to be a very hefty load and was a sure sign that I was going down the SPL route. I returned to my bed to nurse my delicate head.

A few hours later I was up and making a morning cup of tea when my parents arrived home from sainsburys and unloaded the contents of the boot into the living room. I was asked to move the shopping through to the kitchen and I foolishly agreed. As I approached the overloaded bags for life I was reminded of my overloaded bowels. I bent down to pick them up and as I lifted I was reminded of Newton's third law, "every action has an equal and opposite reaction". I let out a very loud, very moist fart and very quickly had to recall what I had learnt in my driving lessons and carry out an emergency stop. I placed the bags back down and casually strolled up to the bathroom where I carried out phase P. For those who are unsure what the paste stage is see number 5/6 on the Bristol stool chart.

My hangover disappeared by midday and in an odd turn of events my bowel movements stopped and I didn't complete the SPL sequence. Just the two for the day which is extremely impressive considering my other reactions to drinks (see new years day!) . I was well aware that that I was in the mid to late 60s in total for the year so I will be keeping an eye out for my 69th poo and when that happens I will seek to make myself constipated until 1 Jan 2016.

In other news I have finished developing a Tales From The Rim app. It's the next flappy bird, truly awesome but when I tried to upload it to google play store it turns out I need to pay £16 to activate a developer account which sucks. If anyone wants to play the game give me £16 (or a portion of that amount).